Hot N Cold

As the weather warms up and the snow melts, I am more inclined to start running outside and make use of the gym. When snow is all over the roads, I try to drive as little as possible. The skidding around and losing control of my non-snow-tired car tries my patience. Now that there's been a regular heat wave of 40F, the snow is melting and the outdoor world is no longer dead to me. Hello birdies! Nice to see you! I am sure we'll get together real soon - as soon as the cat brings in your carcass. Yum.

I am looking forward to actually running since a) that is the purpose of this blog and b) the workout videos in the living room are OK but not my cup of tea. For one, the cat runs around my mat meowing like we're playing some sort of game and the boyfriend comes downstairs making comments about the sexy girls. Sweet, you might think, but he's not talking about me and the cat - he's talking about the girls on the tele. He asks if I'll look like that after I finish the work out video, or how someone like the girl on the left can move so quickly with weight "up top," all while eating ice cream on the couch behind me. Then there's always the classic, "She seems nice." Nice? The girl isn't talking. She's just running around in skimpy little shorts. Nice my fat ass. To his credit, he did partially do a video with me the other day. It was the only video that's made me sweat and he did it in flannels and a snowboarding shell. Half way through the workout, I gave him the weights and I don't know how he didn't spontaneously combust from the heat. All in all, I wish I had a video camera to catch these classic moves (especially when the boyfriend did the mambo) but at the very least, I'll have the memories. Wait... that's no good for blackmail...

At the end of the workout he said, "I am proud of you for doing this." That sent me straight to cloud nine - le sigh. How one man can redeem himself so quickly is amazing. This just in: I’m a sucker.

Holy Crap! It's Official

Today I did it: I signed up for the Lehigh Valley Half Marathon in May and (drum roll please) the Baxter's Loch Ness Marathon in October!! That's right ladies and gents! This blog officially has a purpose and may even amount to something!! WOOHOOO! See you at the finish line!

I Know It's Fabulous, But Please Get Off My Ass

The weekend seriously puts a damper in my workout schedule which is odd since before I started this program, I only worked out on the weekends. It was my Saturday morning routine with the gym followed by breakfast at a local diner. Now, however, working out three plus days a week doesn't make Saturday such a necessity. I therefore find more time for exciting things like cleaning the toilet. Yay! Saturday fun.

I haven't worked out since Thursday and even though I don't have anything health and fitness related to say, I still feel compelled to talk to you. Today I will vent about the Pennsylvania drivers. They're awful. For some reason, they feel compelled to get right behind you despite the gigantic yellow signs that say "Don't Tailgate." In California, that's just a given. It's like the driver's ed instruction went like this: Five second rule? No, that doesn't exist. Silly teenager. What you do instead is get right behind that person in front of you. You know you're close enough when they start to panic and stare in the rear view mirror. Now the speed limit, that's the starting point so begin there and go up. Ninety-five is fine - even on this two lane road. Ah, here we come to a yield sign. Now yield means to floor it and swerve around the cars already on the road. Good, very good. Uh oh, there's some traffic up ahead. What you do in this situation is go around the stopped cars by driving on the shoulder. No need to slow down from ninety-five and no, the shoulder is not for emergencies. Op - you slowed down a little. Better get back up to ninety-five. And remember: green means go, yellow means go faster, and red means get past the oncoming traffic quickly cause they'll be coming at you. If you do every find yourself stopped, just honk your horn. That's to let everyone know your foot is off the gas pedal. Very good! 'A' for the day!

And scene.

I am adjusting to the drivers here and the other day, I even went ninety on the turnpike. I am strangely pleased as I feel like I am fitting in. I didn't die, didn't get pulled over, and didn't take off. I did, however, poop myself. Hi Mom!

Keeping It Green But Not Real

One of the coolest things about working for a style mag is that I learn of all the new salons first. The other day I did an article on a salon (Lux "The Eco Friendly" Salon opened the day of the interview) that is nearly 100% organic. The hair dyes and waxes are organic, the towels are organic, the floors are bamboo, the paint on the walls is lead free, and the pens near the register are recycled. The owner did pretty much everything she could to make sure it was one hell of a green salon and I did everything I could to get an appointment asap. I like the idea for one (I did move from an über liberal area where people live in trees) but I am also searching for a local beauty shop where I feel comfortable hanging my hat. And coat. And scarves. And gloves. Did I mention it's snowing here and cold? Anyway, I had my appointment last night and I have to say, I was pleasantly surprised. The prices were so reasonable that it was only eighty bucks for highlights and a cut but more importantly, the girls in the salon were awesome. I laughed the entire three hours I was there. That's right, three hours. It takes me a long ass time to become mildly attractive. I really loved the highlighting process without the bleach since there wasn't a smell that made my eyes swell up and turn red. It was definitely different especially with the consistency of the non-bleach highlight goo - the goo was more like yogurt than the regular stuff. After the appointment, I stared vainly into the mirror for hours. Given this, I am sure I have discovered my new beauty abode. Yay!

Let's Get Physical

After working out three times this week, I've decided that the Self fitness DVD's are good. I work up a sweat and am always sore the next day which is odd considering I'm in a living room in front of the tele. I also quite like the Pilates and Yoga DVD's by Crunch. They're not as bad as the regular Crunch DVD's as there's less clapping and giggling after the work out. I never jumped around giving hugs and kisses to my fellow participants at the end a step aerobics class so what makes the director think the performers in the Crunch DVD should do the opposite? Plus, I never feel any effects when doing the Crunch Ab Attack or whatever. So boo on them. With all of these DVD’s, I've decided that working out at home isn't bad and can have SOME results. My shoulders have seen the most improvement. While doing the weight exercises, my shoulders burn; I never thought that my shoulders would be out of shape but they are. Ridiculously so. It makes sense to keep them in shape – they’re the hanger of the body carrying the limbs and organs. I thought my hanger was made of wood but now I am realizing it’s a dinky hanger sort of like the kind they have at Kmart. You know the ones – they snap when you pull the clothes off the rack. I don’t want my clothes pooling up on the floor like a dirty blue light special. I want my clothes nicely displayed. Hmmm... did clothes just become a euphemism for boobies? I am not sure – I’ll let you interpret that one on your own.

Let It Snow... And Snow. And Snow. And Jesus, More Snow?

With all the snow here, I have to wonder if there’s a song comparable to “It’s Raining, It’s Pouring” for this kind of weather. I’ve decided to write one. It goes like this: it’s snowing it’s snowing, without Rebecca really knowing. Obviously, it’s a work in progress. Meanwhile, my one pair of thick heeled, closed toe shoes are taking a beating. They’re a glorious pair of Born ankle boots with an adorable button at the top. The caramel brown is to die for but alas, the snow is making them a poop brown in parts while the salt is bleaching the heels. If anymore damage is done, I may have to part with them. Now that, my friends, is a tragedy. Could life as a suburban house girlfriend be any harder? I think not. After all, bleached heels are the ultimate sign of suffering. Take that Africa.

A Brief Pause

What is it about the weekend that prevents any form of working out? This past Sunday I spent most of my time walking around Philly with my fabulously hip friend but besides that, I last worked out on Thursday. The cat had an emergency visit to the kitty hospital Friday night, which meant a follow up Saturday morning. After the stress, we of course had to treat ourselves to bacon, coffee, and eggs. The breakfast of marathon champions. On Mondays, I always feel like I've been hit like a bus which means I go to bed early after guzzling down whatever meat products I've prepared on the Foreman Grill. Tuesday is my day to get back into my routine, however, we had an Xbox mishap this morning. The many remotes confused me preventing the streaming video from Netflix to reach our big screen. With all this technology, you would think I could get a machine to work out for me. Alas, since it's not reliable, I take comfort in the fact that Terminator will never happen. But if it did, would I be able to run from the machines? Running in a marathon is, at the very least, preparation for the potential apocalypse. That's motivation for me to start training again this evening.